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Kā atgūties pēc attiecībām ar narcistisku partneri

1. marts, 2015 pl. 19:00, 3 komentāri

narcissism-partner-abuse-relationships-0607134 

We often hear the term narcissist, but what does it mean? From my vantage point as a psychotherapist, I work with a lot of individuals who are leaving and healing from relationships, especially romantic ones, with narcissists. When I first heard the term narcissist as a graduate student, I had a hard time labeling someone with such a name. I pride myself on being a strengths-focused therapist, in direct opposition of any of such disempowering diagnostic nomenclature.

However, as time progressed, I found in my own psychotherapy practice that, indeed, there exist some individuals on this planet with narcissistic challenges. My clients educated me about the aftermath of what it is to heal from narcissistic abuse. I feel I owe it to my clients, and others who may be in similar circumstances, to assist with educating the public about narcissistic abuse, so that people can be informed and aware of how to protect themselves in the event they encounter people with narcissistic traits.

Identifying Individuals with Narcissism

So just what traits does someone with narcissism have, and what does that person look like in the early stages of dating? Studies say that 1% of the population (2-16% of psychiatric population) has narcissistic personality, while an even greater number exhibit typical traits of narcissism (Brown, 2013). In addition, although 75% of people with narcissism are found to be male, women can also be narcissists.
Narcissism is defined as: excessive sense of self-importance over and above the needs of others; grandiosity; arrogance; absence of ability to empathize and experience reciprocity in relationships; intense need for admiration/attention to fill very low self-esteem; impaired relationships resulting in parasitic/predatory behaviors designed to fill one’s self-esteem in the form of narcissistic supply (DSM-IV).

One could wonder, then, how someone would find such an individual, someone who embodies these characteristics, attractive. Well, studies show (Brown, 2013) that people with narcissism market themselves in attractive, deceptive packages. They may present with a swagger, intense eye contact, false bravado/charm, knock-your-socks-off seduction (often learned by neurolinguistic programming (NLP) programs or online seduction programs), swift pacing of rushing the relationship into commitment/cohabitation/marriage/business partnership, promising a future together (which is later discovered to be a lie), intense sexual chemistry, love-bombing (repetitive texting, emailing, phone calls), or romancing the target excessively (flowers, etc).

People with narcissistic traits are known for targeting intelligent, self-sufficient, empathic individuals as partners. They tend to lack core identity (Brown, 2013), and need narcissistic supply to fill their empty psyches. Narcissistic supply comes mostly in the form of adulation, adoration, and attention, but any sort of feedback allows the individual with narcissistic qualities to feel alive (including negative attention). These individuals feel a sense of challenge in targeting highly successful, attractive individuals who may already be in other relationships and/or who express a sense of vulnerability (i.e. having grief or depression, or recently getting out of a relationship).

Characteristics of the Relationship

The literature on malignant narcissism is extensive, yet many are not informed about the dangers of being involved with someone whose character or actions tend toward narcissism. I find that clients who were entangled in relationships with such individuals have more healing to do from breaks in these relationships than if they had been in relationships with healthy individuals, because often these clients are manifesting symptoms of posttraumatic stress (PTSD).
Not only are they grieving the loss of the relationship, but they are also processing the unreality of a “fake relationship.” Furthermore, often psychological abuse (and sometimes physical and sexual abuse) has permeated the relationship. In order to heal, psychotherapy must focus on grief work and trauma recovery, in addition to understanding the elements of the toxic relationship, so that patterns are not repeated in the future.

Once the initial honeymoon wears off, partners of people with narcissistic traits go from feeling high on a pedestal (much like being on cocaine) to feeling devalued, discarded, and figuratively knocked off the pedestal. Their partners have successfully seduced and hooked them into relationships.

But suddenly, the individual with narcissism begins to reveal traits of lying, future-faking, and Dr. Jekyl /Mr. Hyde Personality. He or she may vanish for hours or days on end, or gaslight (confuses the reality of) a partner. This person becomes emotionally abusive and detaches from the partner, extracting narcissistic supply in the process.

The partner, then, is dropped/discarded, coming to the sudden and shocking realization that the other, the partner to has narcissistic qualities, is not capable of true intimacy/love, and really exhibits a limited capacity for emotional connectedness/bonding (Brown, 2013). The partner who has exhibited narcissistic personality traits, who was once a knight in shining armor, is now a mere fantasy, because he or she acted through mind control and brainwashing (Brown, 2013).

To Protect Yourself

So how does one avoid encountering someone with narcissism? I would suggest being particularly cautious with the pacing of dating. If you’re using a dating website, exercise extreme caution when meeting up with a dating partner for the first several dates until you feel you know the individual (i.e. meet in a public place).
If the dating partner attempts to rush the relationship, that is a red flag. An individual who respects your boundaries will work with you to slowly progress the relationship at a pace that is mutually agreed upon. Just because initially there is a highly seductive “zing” quality to the attraction does not mean that the dating partner is healthy. To protect yourself from someone who may end up behaving out of narcissism, it is best to allow the connection to unfold slowly and observe to see if actions and words are matching up.

Sexual chemistry is not the same thing as healthy bonding and attachment. A healthy person will want to get to know your personality, dreams, and interests, and slowly evolve the relationship. An individual with narcissistic tendencies may also want to know all about you, but then may fake being your soul mate by rushing you into consenting to a relationship/ marriage/ cohabitation/ business arrangement (Hotchkiss, 2010).

If you have encountered an individual who seems to display these qualities, or are considering leaving a relationship with a similar person, it is in your best interests to get yourself out of the relationship as quickly as possible. People with narcissistic characteristics may be prone to causing harm by invading personal boundaries, lying about future possibilities in relationships, engaging in abuse, and exhibiting no empathy or remorse for emotional harm they have done.

Consult a licensed psychotherapist who is trained in narcissistic abuse recovery in addition to locating a qualified support group to help you through this time. You will recover. You will heal. But, it will take time and the assistance of qualified professionals who understand what you have endured and how to help you to reclaim your self-esteem.

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/blindsided-recovering-narcissistic-abuse-relationship-0607134

3 komentāri - Kā atgūties pēc attiecībām ar narcistisku partneri

Mercy Lambo - 27. decembris, 2021 pl. 2:23
AK MANS DIEVS!! Tas noteikti ir šokējoši un patiesa liecība. Es 2019. gada 20. JŪNIJA apmeklēju forumu šeit, internetā, un es redzēju brīnišķīgu liecību par to, kas iepriekš dzirdēts, un neko par maģiju neko nezināju .. Neviena dvēsele nebūtu spējusi ietekmēt mani par burvju burvestībām, tikai līdz brīdim, kad Dr.Wealthy to izdarīja manis labā un atjaunoja manis 8 gadus ilgušo laulību un atnesa man savu dzīvesbiedru atpakaļ tajās pašās 24 stundās, tāpat kā es lasīju internetā..es biju patiesi patiess izbrīnīts un satriekts, kad mans vīrs nometās ceļos, lūdzot piedošanu un lai es viņu pieņemtu atpakaļ. Man tiešām trūkst izteikumu, un es nezinu, cik daudz jums izteikt atzinību. Dr.Wealthy, jūs esat Dievs, kurš sūtīts man un manai visai ģimenei jums arī nepieciešama palīdzība, vienkārši nosūtiet viņam e-pastu uz [email protected] vai zvaniet uz viņa numuru +2348105150446
Mercy Lambo - 30. maijs, 2022 pl. 18:45
AK MANS DIEVS!! Tas noteikti ir šokējoši un patiesa liecība. Es 2019. gada 20. JŪNIJA apmeklēju forumu šeit, internetā, un es redzēju brīnišķīgu liecību par to, kas iepriekš dzirdēts, un neko par maģiju neko nezināju .. Neviena dvēsele nebūtu spējusi ietekmēt mani par burvju burvestībām, tikai līdz brīdim, kad Dr.Wealthy to izdarīja manis labā un atjaunoja manis 8 gadus ilgušo laulību un atnesa man savu dzīvesbiedru atpakaļ tajās pašās 24 stundās, tāpat kā es lasīju internetā..es biju patiesi patiess izbrīnīts un satriekts, kad mans vīrs nometās ceļos, lūdzot piedošanu un lai es viņu pieņemtu atpakaļ. Man tiešām trūkst izteikumu, un es nezinu, cik daudz jums izteikt atzinību. Dr.Wealthy, jūs esat Dievs, kurš sūtīts man un manai visai ģimenei jums arī nepieciešama palīdzība, vienkārši nosūtiet viņam e-pastu uz [email protected] vai zvaniet uz viņa numuru +2348105150446
Chalortte Macott - 31. maijs, 2022 pl. 1:31
Sveiki, es esmu šeit, lai izplatītu šo labo ziņu visai pasaulei par to, kā es dabūju savu sievu atpakaļ. Es biju traks, kad mana sieva pagājušajā mēnesī atstāja mani pie cita vīrieša, bet, kad es satikos ar draugu, kurš mani iepazīstināja ar galveno dr. Pārtikušo Lielais vēstneša orakula kalpotājs, kuru viņš kalpo, es stāstīju savai problēmai priekšniekam Dr Wealthy par to, kā mana sieva mani pameta. Viņš man teica tikai to, ka esmu nonācis pareizajā vietā, ja man sirds vēlēsies bez jebkādas blakusparādības. Viņš man teica, kas man jādara, pēc tam, kad tas tika izdarīts. Nākamo 2 dienu laikā mana sieva man piezvanīja pa tālruni un teica, ka žēl, ka dzīvoju pirms manis tagad un arī nākamās nedēļas laikā pēc tam, kad sieva mani piezvanīja lūdziet piedošanu. Es esmu tik laimīga un satriekta, ka man tas ir jāpasaka visai pasaulei par to, kā priekšnieks Dr. Pārtikušie man palīdz apmierināt sirds vēlmes. Ja jums nepieciešama jebkāda veida palīdzība, sazinieties ar priekšnieku Dr Wealthy, izmantojot šo e-pasta adresi: [email protected] vai zvanot pa tālruni +2348105150446. Viņš arī izteicis tik daudz pareizrakstības vārdus, kā, piemēram, (1) Ja vēlaties savu bijušo atpakaļ (2), jums ir nepieciešams šķiršanās jūsu attiecībās. (3) Jūs vēlaties tikt paaugstināta amatā. (4) Jūs vēlaties, lai sievietes un vīrieši skrietu pēc jums. (5) Ja vēlaties bērnu. (6) Jūs vēlaties būt bagāts. (7) ) Jūs vēlaties, lai jūsu vīrs un sieva būtu jūsu mūžīgi. (8) Ja jums nepieciešama finansiāla palīdzība. (9) Zāļu kopšana. Sazinieties ar viņu šodien pa e-pastu: [email protected] vai zvaniet pa tālruni +2348105150446, un jūsu problēmas tiks atrisinātas.

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